I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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