I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
