I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
