A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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