Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
