11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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