do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
