Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize