I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
