Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
