Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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