i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize