Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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