So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
