Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
