when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
