barbara walters just said penis...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
