Swine flu. Run for my life!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
