I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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