question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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