she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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