I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
