He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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