How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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