a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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