the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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