dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this just has baby written all over it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
