I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
