Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
