so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
