There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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