Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
