Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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