dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
