Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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