I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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