do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My liver just had a heart attack.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
