I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
