What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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