her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
