saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
