apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
