I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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