i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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