I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
