i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
