how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
