Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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