She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
