We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if only i could text you this smell
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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