so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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