I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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