I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
