if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost