Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
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Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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