You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
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i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.