hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
