Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??