you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?