I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me