I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??