cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.