Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.