I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
