Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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