If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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