just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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