I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I want is dick and wine.
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