Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
