Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
