I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
