dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
