I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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