My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
love makes seman taste better
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
