But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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