You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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