We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
