I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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