Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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