I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
