Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
